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Scene From An Office
By Corvus | May 17, 2007
This has been rattling about in my head for a few weeks and I need to let it out so it’ll stop bugging me.
Frank calls Tim into his office right at 4:55 PM on a Friday. On his desk is a conspicuous slip of pink paper. Frank closes the door and, inviting Tim to sit down, sits on the edge of his desk.
Frank: Tim… we don’t feel you’re working out.
Tim: Oh no, I’m certainly not. Between my job and my charity work I don’t really have the time to get to the gym.
Frank: No, you don’t understand me. We don’t feel you’re working out here. You know, in the office.
Tim: I didn’t even know that was an option! We have a gym here in the office? Where is it?
Frank: No, no, no. Tim, listen to me. We’re letting you go.
Tim: Wait… I don’t understand. You’re going to let me go to the gym while I’m on the clock? That’s pretty cool.
Frank: No, Tim. Look… I, well, I’m afraid we’re terminating you.
Tim: You’re going to have me killed because I haven’t been working out? Is that even legal?!
Frank: Tim, no one is going to have you killed! Will you just forget about working out for a moment and listen to me?
Tim: Okay…
Frank: Tim, I… Alright, here’s the situation–you’re fired. You need to clear off your desk and go home.
Tim: Clear off my desk? Are they spraying for ants again this weekend?
Frank: No, no they’re not spraying for ants! You’re fired, Tim! Take your crap out of your desk and don’t come back on Monday!
Tim: Oh… I see. Yeah, I get it. I’m out of here, huh? all right then.
Frank (walking Tim to the door): Look, I’m sorry about this. If you need a reference…
Tim: No, no problem Frank. I understand. I don’t think they’ll need a reference at the gym, though. Okay, have a good weekend. I’ll see you on Tuesday!
Frank: Okay Tim, I’ll see you on… wait a minute! What? Tuesday?
Tim: I’ll see you on Tuesday, after the fumes have cleared from the bug spray. I’ll guess I’ll take some time on Monday to join a gym since that’s so important to you.
Frank: Tim. Listen. To. Me. You do not work in this office anymore. Do you understand me?
Tim: Oh! I can’t tell you what a relief that is, Frank. I didn’t think anybody had noticed that I’ve not really done anything around here for about three months. I was worried I was going to lose my job, but if you’ve already noticed and you’re not mad, then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?
…as with most writing I do, I’m having a little trouble with an ending for it. Care to suggest one?
Tagged:Writing. | 6 Comments »
May 17th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I think Frank should promote Tim to Frank’s position, make him sit down in Frank’s desk, and then Frank should plead to be fired by Tim so he can get out of the nut house that is his office.
May 17th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Maybe replace Tim’s last line with – “Oh, c’mon Frank – it’s not like I really worked much in this office in the first place., if you know what I mean. Mostly I was chewing gum and watching my belly lint. Why would anything change on Tuesday? God, Frank. You can be really dense sometimes. Maybe you should hit the gym or something.”
May 17th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
*Frank kills himself in outright frustration.
*Tim comes back the next day, handing in his resignation. Frank argues that he can’t quit when he’s already been fired, and the whole thing starts over again but this time Frank is in Tim’s shoes, ‘misunderstanding’ what Tim is talking about.
*Some consultants come in and they actually like Tim’s ideas the best… oh wait, somebody already told that story.
May 18th, 2007 at 5:24 am
Leave it open as it is, with Frank giving a frustrated and discouraged stare while Tim walks away. The reader/watcher can easily make up what will happen next by himself.
I think that’s a funny ending as it is.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Frank: (pause) Tim, I’m afraid we’re terminating you.
Tim: But you-
(bang)
June 14th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Either a reversal – “I thought this was about the resignation letter I left on your desk!” or a “Who’s On First” ending – a recapitulation of the phrases by the confused party, followed by a new twist-the end.
I’d take out use of the phrase “fired” entirely and stick with “clean out your desk” – fired doesn’t work, as you don’t give any humorous way for it to be misunderstood, it can only be ignored – and Tim is less funny if he is simply ignoring everything he doesn’t want to hear.